This 'Self-Care Sunday' we are going to dive into some personal development!
By that, we are going to uncover what empathy is. I first fully understood the meaning of empathy after watching Brene Brown’s video, “Empathy vs Sympathy.” This video is moving as it shares the differences between empathy and sympathy and gives examples and results of both approaches.
Prior to this video, I felt that I was a caring person and was, however, unaware of the difference between empathy and sympathy. I often reverted to using sympathy instead of empathy. Through a few communications classes and a noticeable difference in people’s reactions, I then understood how much more meaningful empathy truly is. It is the difference between “wow, you really are depressed, at least you have ... ” to, “I can hear that you are hurt by this and I want to listen to what you have to say and be here for you.”
Now, I am not saying that you must get the wording correct every time, because we are all human and we are not robots. I have, however, found that empathy is similar to riding a bike, once learned, it is hard to unlearn.
So, what is empathy? And why is it something important in self-care? Well, I refer to it as a tool in my toolbox, this toolbox carries things such as self-love, assertiveness, acceptance, self-compassion, and more. These skills are things that can be used (depending on the type) for yourself, towards others, or both.
More often than not, if not applicable to both, it can reflect into the other. For example, if you focus on giving yourself more time and space, you often 1. Influence others by your individual actions and 2. Have a more meaningful connection when you spend time with others.
Empathy:
Empathy, by definition, means, "the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner," as stated by Merriam-Webster.
1. To be non-judgemental, meaning to accept the person as they are, without judging their situation, their responses, or them as a whole. To do this is helpful to recognize that we are all going through something and we are all individuals who have feelings. These judgments can be replaced with a deeper understanding of what they are going through by actively listening.
2. To "put yourself in the other person's shoes," meaning to listen to what they are going through and imagine yourself going through that. By doing this we can come to common grounds with what they may be feeling and become more compassionate for them.
3. To recognize how the other person is feeling, as you are listening to what they are saying, notice the emotional language they use and look at their non-verbal communication, recognizing their expressions and posture as these can indicate how a person is feeling.
4. To recognize their feelings and communicate your understanding, by doing this it often comforts the person to know you were listening and makes them feel validated. You can do this in various forms such as paraphrasing, explaining that if you have gone through something similar, how challenging it can be, and if you haven't gone through it, stating that what they are going through sounds difficult.
Empathy for Yourself & Others:
For Yourself
Finding empathy for yourself can be done by approaching yourself with non-judgment, stepping back and recognizing what you are going through, recognizing how this is making you feel, and lastly, by communicating to yourself or others what you are feeling and going through. By using these four attributes for our own emotions and situations we can then mindfully bring awareness to them without judgement. As Dr. Brensilver puts it, "Mindfulness as Self-Empathy," which is a topic I will discuss further in the near future.
For Others
By using the four attributes of empathy you can be there for others more meaningfully. By being there for the person in the present moments, try to understand what they are going through with an open and non-judgmental look. Bringing awareness that people want to be heard and often do not want your advice initially. After listening to them you can offer your advice by saying, "I appreciate you sharing this with me, and I want you to know I am here. Would you like my advice and is there any other ways I can support you?" Using open-ended questions during the conversation will draw out a greater reponse and allow the other person to express their emotions. For example, instead of saying "Are you okay?" which is a close-ended question that typicially only gets a yes or no, ask an open-ended question such as, "how are you feeling?" By being empathetic towards each other we can really listen to what they have to say and potentially build stronger, deeper connections.
Empathy Statements:
1. "I appreciate your patience."
2. "If I was in your shoes, I would feel X too."
3. "When that happens to me, I feel that way too."
4. "What you are feeling in valid"
5. "How does X make you feel?"
6. "What I am hearing is ..."
7. "What you are saying is ..."
8. "I appreciate you sharing this with me and I want you to know that I am grateful for you."
9. "I appreciate your time"
Empathy has rewarded me in deeper, more understanding relationships and I hope this can bring us all more empathetic connections.
Thank you for letting me share some ways to cultivate your moments.
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